Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Wazzup Pilipinas Original Short Stories Series: When It Rains

Wazzup Pilipinas!

We are now on our third offering of our Wazzup Pilipinas original short stories series. I've decided to include this series in our blog to provide an alternative source of online short story reading. The stories are all original and were written by our younger contributors so if you'll encounter a few grammatical errors and typos, plus some incoherence or story structure errors, please just bear in mind that they are still in the process of improving their story-telling.

Submitting their stories in our blog is an effective way to motivate them to learn and realize their mistakes based on the feedback they will be receiving from the readers. We believe it would be more appreciated when people are given a chance to showcase their talents at a larger scale.

This is a story about Raven Scott who was introduced as a college freshman. Raven is a friendly person who has a pointed nose, brunette short hair and somewhat blue or grey eyes. Raven and his seatmate John became friends and later Raven found out that John was the same boy who offered his handkerchief to her when they were still young.

This story is all about sacrificing for the happiness of your loved ones as the best way to show your love for them.

Please read on and enjoy.

Most people’s first day at college is the most stressful day of their lives because they don’t know what to expect or they just don’t want to go through a perplexing situation, but for me it was the most exciting day of my life. Why? Maybe because I just want to meet new people and be their friend. By the way my name is Raven Scott, I have a pointed nose, Brunette short hair, somewhat blue or grey eyes and a friendly person.

I’m on my way to my first class, hoping that our professor isn’t already there. When I entered to our room, I immediately look for a vacant seat and I saw one beside a boy at the back. I sat beside him and when I saw his face, I felt something different with him. I felt like I’ve already seen him before which I can’t remember. After our first class, I went to our school garden to eat my lunch and when I looked around, I saw the boy I sat with during our first class. He was playing his guitar alone, singing harmoniously.

Since that day, I always see him playing his guitar in our school garden during vacant times. One time, I tried to ask him about the song he often plays with his guitar. He told me that the song he always plays was composed by him and his girlfriend. He also shared some of their sweet moments. I even asked his name for the first time since we met. His name is John and it really fits for him for he was a kind-hearted and a loving man.

On the next day, I noticed that he was not around. At first, I thought he was only late but when our professor announced that John encountered an accident. I was so appalled. Later on, there’s something happened in the past that flashed into my brain. I remembered the boy who offered his handkerchief to me when I was crying during a rainy night. I asked him at that time on how he noticed that I was crying, he replied and said that some girls often cry during rainy nights so that they won’t get easily noticed by other people. After that, he quickly said “bye” and left for it was already late at night. I forgot to ask for his name, but with his handkerchief he had given to me I saw his name embroidered to it, John Smith. After that, I promised to myself that whenever I saw that guy, John Smith, I will also do the same for him in return to what he had done well to me.

When I found out in what hospital John was confined. I immediately went to where he was. When I went there, I found out that he had amnesia, a selective one. From that day, I always secretly investigate every moment that happens to him so that I’ll be there for the time he will also feel the same as what I’ve experienced when he helped me when we’re still young.

Right now, I was looking at him secretly while he was running on the street. It’s already late at night and at the same time rainy. He went inside of the theater since the door was open. I secretly followed him inside the theatre. He went to the stage where there was a piano playing a recorded sound. Later on, it seems like he was mesmerized of the song he heard. When the piano stopped from playing, he also tried to play the same song. I noticed a girl who kept on watching him since he entered inside the theater. I can see the tears coming from her eyes right now while she’s watching John. I can feel the pain she’s feeling right now. How I wish I have the courage to comfort her.

While John was still playing the song, the girl went beside his back.

“Amazing, how you knew my song?” said the girl wearing a black dress.

As John turned around, he saw the lady and said

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to enter hear and to play the piano” He apologized, his face started to blush because of shame.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say sorry,” the girl replied.

“Ahmm, hehe, Have you been there for so long?”

”Uh...yes, In fact, I saw you entering here”

”Oh...I didn’t notice you. It’s so dark here. I think I must be hypnotized by that piano and the music it was playing a while ago” he chuckled.

The girl walks toward the piano and said “My family owns this theater and this piano is mine” she smiled unto John and his face seems blushing.

By then, the rain had stopped.

“I think I should have to go now”, John approached to the girl.

He dashed to the exit door and opened it

“By the way, thank you” said John as his final statement before he leaves the girl.

In reply, the girl said “Your welcome, bye! Take care John.”

John? How did she know his name? Is she his girlfriend? Because the only thing I knew he forgot when he had his selective amnesia was his girlfriend Kate. Why can’t she tell him about their past? I’m so confused.

I am on my way home when I saw a poster in front of the theater, the same theater where John went when I followed him secretly. From the moment I knew that John was going to watch the musical play, I became interested to also watch the play. When I was about to get inside of the theater to follow John, I noticed that he suddenly disappeared. I just continued walking towards the theater for I think that John was already there. The street I’m passing right now was a dark and a quiet one.

“There you have it! Why are you following me huh?!” John asked.

“Uhmm...” that’s the only thing I said because I’m so agitated.

“Wait, Raven Scott right?” John said.

“Oh Yes! Remember me?” I said.

“Of course, so...where will you go now?” he asked.

“I’m going inside the theater to watch the play” I replied.

“Ohhh…me too, let’s go?” He said.

“Sure” I said with a huge smile in my face.

Right now, I’m here inside of the theater together with other audiences including John waiting for the play to start. Thirty minutes had passed but the play still doesn’t start. After few seconds, a lady announced that the play will be cancelled due to some problems. The people was disgruntled and started to move out of the place. I’m watching John right now and he’s still sitting on his chair, it seems that he’s waiting for all the people to move out of the place. I’m walking towards the back part of the theater so that he wouldn’t recognize me since it was dark here.

He stood up and walk towards the center stage where there’s only light. He started to play the song he heard when he entered inside the theater for the first time. It seems like he’s thinking of something with his eyes closed. While playing it, he accidentally hit the copies of song he’s playing. When he picks up those papers, a letter caught his attention. While he’s reading the letter, his tears began to trickle. This made me think that I should go beside him and comfort him as what he had done to me while we’re still young.

I’m walking silently towards him, trying not to be recognized. I have his handkerchief in my hand that he gave to me when we first met each other.

“Use this” I said.

He suddenly took the handkerchief I am holding and wiped his tears without noticing that it was really his.

“Thanks, How come you’re here?” John said.

“I’ve started watching over you when I found something about you” I replied.

“Found what?” he said.

“Do you remember the girl whom you offered you handkerchief while she was crying during a rainy night?...I was the girl then, and in return of what you’ve done good to me, here I am with you doing the same thing as what you’ve done to me.”

“Ohh…Thanks again but, why is it a big deal for you?” He asked.

Tears began to trickle from my eyes.

“Because it was the time when I knew that my parents died because of a car accident” I replied.

“I’m sorry to hear that” He said.

“No, I must be the one to say that to you” I said.

“But, why? He wondered.

“It is because I revenged for my parents. Those people who killed my parents didn’t offered anything help to me; they don’t even paid the funeral of my parents and since I’m still a child at that time, I couldn’t afford to pay all those expenses. So, I just left them in the mortuary without saying to them that I really love them even in the last time. It was very painful to leave them but since I’m just a child, I can’t do anything to get them out of the mortuary. I asked for help from our relatives but, they refused to help me. So, when I knew who’s really responsible of their accident, I promised to myself that someday I’ll do the same to them. Since I’m on the right age by this time, I planned on how I will do that in a way that no one can recognize me. On the day that I planned to work on it, I saw them embracing their child before he leaves. I took that opportunity to destroy their son’s car brakes. I followed their son until he encountered an accident. After that, I went directly to my house without looking on his face.

The next day, I went to where hospital you were after you’ve encountered an accident. I was so shocked when I saw your parents beside you because they were the one responsible of my parent’s death. That made me realized that it was you whom I did a really bad thing.” I replied.

“How did you do that to me?! I thought were friends?!”

“But, I never thought that it was you John”

“You didn’t know what you have done to my life! Because of you, I forgot the one I love! I lost her! I didn’t even take care of her before she leaves me!”

“I’m sorry John, I’m so sorry” I said while I was crying.

“It’s all too late, Raven”

“I’m so sorry, John”

I quickly ran toward the exit door. It was raining outside but still I continue to run. I sat beside the street and there, I cried as much as I could.

“Sorry John but I think that’s the only thing that would help me forget about you, it’s all just a lie.” I want to forget you because I’m starting to love you and I know that you can’t love me back the way I love you because you already love someone else.

The rain poured heavily as I cried heavily.

Contributed by Shanaia Jane Bual

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  1. First, I'm somewhat not satisfied on some part of the story that needed more details like in John's situation, why did Kate leave him? I mean for what reason? Don't get me wrong okay? I'm just stating my opinion and don't worry I really like the story 'coz it's so unpredictable. Sometimes, it made me wonder what's going to happen next and that's a great thing because readers, like me, will not get bored. My favorite part of this story is when Raven said those lies to John. I really admire her courage. This story also show me the beauty of love where you can sacrifice your own happiness just for the happiness of your loved one.

  2. I love the story but I think that it lacks suspense. The turn of events are just so sudden and I can't help but feel like the plot is all over the place. I actually enjoyed reading the start because it was more detailed and when it came to the middle part, it changed. The turn of events were just dropped like bombs and everything just happened so fast that I wasn't really able to feel the pain Raven was going through. But the story is great nonetheless, just a bit of revising and modifying here and there and it'll be good as new! :)

    -Paula B. Mallo

  3. The first part of the story was rather predictable (especially the thing about the handkerchief). However, I liked the plot twist in the latter part of the story. I think it was really hard for the protagonist to choose whether to help John or just let him be, since it was his parents who killed protagonist's parents. The story tells us seeking for vengeance will do no good, it will just lead to more wrongdoings. And if you will seek for revenge, you will be just the same as the ones who did something bad to you. Great story! :)

  4. A great story but I think something is missing. I was confused on some parts but still I read it till the very end. The story made me curious while reading asking questions like "what happens next?" eager to know the rest of the story. Overall, great job! :)

  5. The story was great but on the first part the sequence of events is very confusing. Some parts didn't have its highlight that made it confusing but the plot twist in the latter part is great. But I think you could also write what happened before because the things just happened in one snapshot. I think you should add more details about the events and the characters. But it's well done! :)))

  6. This story is heartbreaking. Even though I've read that before. She just lied just to forget him, she must be a strong girl. Revenge and sacrifice. I think you should add more plot twists and details in your story. I like the way of writing. Good job! :)

  7. I like how you make it unpredictable though some part of your story does not justify the other sequence that leads for the readers to be confused. Make it clear and add details for the readers to understand it. Anyway, your story is very interesting and its jelliclely great! :)

  8. The story is appealing and as a fan of love stories, I like the emotions that have been showed in the story. :) I hope that the author will continue to write stories like this. It's a good start to more exemplary works in the future. It's nicely done! :)

  9. It was a great story and it was heartbreaking. The ending was unhappy but it was cool. The author did a good job in writing this short story =)) I hope you will continue to write some short stories.

    -Andrea Celina Gumban

  10. Since i'm a fan of love stories, I liked it! :) Great job! You just have to be detailed on the next story that you're going to write because some parts of this short story is not that detailed that's why it's confusing. But, this one is good! :)

  11. It was really a nice story, but I got confused in some parts of it. Your story has a good plot and I hope that you will continue to write other stories with a better plot, because I think you can be a great author.:) Just add more twists in your future stories so that many people will look forward to it. =))

  12. Honestly, it was quite a blur. I was kind of confused with what Raven said, until I knew at the end that it was a lie. I don't know it the selective amnesia really connects to the story, or it just happened to be parallel.
    Overall, I guess this story would be better if there were clearer descriptions and conversations. But this was a good read. :)

  13. The story is great though it’s a little confusing. The author can still improve this story.

  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

  15. As a fan of love stories, I can say that the story was really nice and heartbreaking but some of the parts are a little confusing. But overall, it is a great work!

  16. The love story was very well written. The author made the story better by showing lots of emotions. Despite it being heartbreaking, it was great! :)

  17. A very heartbreaking story... This story has a good plot but quite confusing on some parts. The ending was great. The author did a good job despite it being a little confusing. Great job!


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