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Saturday, January 28, 2017

#SayItLikeMalacanang: The Best Interpreter for Maxine Medina Goes Viral


Wazzup Pilipinas!

Warm felicitations to one and all this Sunday afternoon. And so we say, Mabuhay!
Many would say that the best interpreter can be found in the Philippines. But we would not limit it to the presidential spokesperson Ernesto Abella or the communications operations secretary Martin Andanar, and the rest of the gang who speaks in behalf of the President - though they all couldn't stop Rodrigo "Digong" Duterte from talking shit, they still try their best to come up with twisted interpretations of what he said so he would still look, or sound, good even though he is arrogantly unstable in matters of thought and speech.

Just as how Malacanang would want a "Tangina mo" to be interpreted "objectively" or should we say "politically positive" only for their side (The president is currently stressed out because of lack of sleep and he did not take his lunch), or blame the media saying "Media wrongly distinguished a culture-driven dialect into a urban cursing. This is out of context." We couldn't help but frown and scratch our balls in amusement especially when we were all called as "Presstitutes" - media outlets that are so biased that they misquote the President and the truth of the matter they're all bullshit.

Malacanang would say "We find that there is no instances of cessation of life in the manner ascribed to by naysayers and critics alike." When the President Duterte said "Mayor ang dapat mauna," Malacanang would translate that as "Women should be respected and treated equal."

What followed were "derogatory remarks subsequently laid out by the world never was alleviating; it brought me into my repugnant remnants." That, ladies and gentlemen is Malacanang - Giving us "Alternative Facts" before "Alternative Facts" was ever a thing.

So netizens had a lot of fun coming up with many "interpretations" or "highfalutin" statements out of the obvious, and used the hashtag #SayItLikeMalacanang. This happened because of our Culture of anti-intellectualism or smart-shaming.

The dictionary was invented for things like this, that we may have more things to do than just write things up. Run-on sentences are a must! Identify the event, the subject, tell something about the subject, and then the event.

Let's take a cue from The Palace and exercise our creative thesaurus usage! Below are just some of the #SayItLikeMalacanang showing how witty Filipinos are:











Pangit ba ako? 
Does my facial features do not adhere to the standard of beauty set by the patriarchy?
Tweet by: @Midnighterben

or


Do you reckon that my physical traits are not apposite to the beauty standards set by our society?
Tweet by: @RegisAndanar


Patapos na ang weekend 
My heart is overweight with anxiety as Sunday comes - an unending cycle of melancholyTweet by: @nickvillavecer


Gutom na me, bes
My gastrointestinal tract is signaling its need for sustenance, most beloved platonic companion
Tweet by: @TMPRMNTLBRAT


Wala akong pera! 
It has come to a point where all of my current assets have been exhausted in settling my obligations
Tweet by: @IaMlyNixiee


or


My disbursements far outwiegh my emolument thus leaving me with no purchasing power
Tweet by: @Kjartan1996


Lumayas ka 
It is my deepest desire for you to kindly walk away from my field of visionTweet by: @avlisyeon


Goodnight 
It is with deep joy that I offer you this greeting of a rest well-deserved for a good day's work
Tweet by: @gelosangalang

or

I am getting the prescence of the morning calm and yet I have to be reminded that a darkness existed
Tweet by: @JigsVillanueva


My gahd I hate drugs 
O deity I defer to, how negatively I perceive the pharmaceuticals that flow through my own veins Tweet by: @margie_deleon


Do you have carbonated libations, renowned around the world for its scarlet livery? 
Pepsi products lang po
Tweet by: @marocharim


Labo mo
I cannot comprehend your current state of mind, which is very ambivalent and also neurotic
Tweet by: @LittleBoondock


Sana tayo na lang
My heart pumps a thief like you because you are like methamphetamine that is so addicting
Tweet by:


Crush kita
I can't possibly fathom how infatuated I am at your whole being, I can only hope that you feel the same
Tweet by:

or

Your good genes as seen in your physical figure has awakened a sense within me that is infatuation
Tweet by:


Bagay tayo
A merger is inevitable given the circumstances
Tweet by:


Magsama kayo ng kabit mo! 
You cohabit with that woman of yours who loves being involved w/ another woman's husband
Tweet by: @taengudness


Iniwan mo ko
You left me here crying, broken, defeated, falling apart, waiting for my sadness to come to an end
Tweet by:


Tae ka
You're a substance left over from metabolic process which is toxic and cannot be used therefore excreted
Tweet by:


Beat energy gap
Fill the void that deconstructs our immune system by nourishing ourselves with branded chocolate flavored cow produce
Tweet by: @RegisAndanar


Ayaw kita makita
My spherical paired hollow organ of sight abhorred to see your existence
Tweet by:


Ano na ba tayo? 
Must we really reduce the nuances of our existing relationship to a single construct?
Tweet by:


Daming time? 
Do you have an abundance of indefinite continued progress of existence in the past, present & future?
Tweet by:


I think you're cute 
The combination of dominant+recessive genes that has resulted in your visage appeals to me
Tweet by: @PilosopoTanya


Gaano po ito katotoo? 
I'm interested to broaden my horizon by determining the level of accuracy of this statement
Tweet by:


Bato, resign! 
Chief of Police, you must abdicate your position apropos of your failure to undertake your duty
Tweet by:


Lowbat na ko 
My necessary technological tool for communication is nearing its inevitable impermanent shut down
Tweet by:


Mahal kita. One year na 

I developed a very strong and very deep affection for your person in the last 12 months
Tweet by:


Gusto kita
You give me a profoundly tender, passionate affection that makes me want to have you in my armsTweet by: @claraxgaray


Wala pong thigh part 
We are currently incapable of accommodating your petition for fowl flank
Tweet by:


I love you 
My entire being is filled with yearning, ardor, fondness, intimacy, warmth, and attachment for you
Tweet by:


Enge tikoy, bes 
Please provide me sticky rice cake of Chinese origin, person of which I extend friendliness to
Tweet by:


Here na me 
As of this moment in time I am currently positioned in our previously agreed upon rendezvous point
Tweet by:


Still up? 
Do you continue to deprive yourself of the wonderful gift of a long wink of sleep? 
Tweet by:


Para po
Take pause. I shall careen my vehicle and temporarily terminate this journey at this lawful locationTweet by: @marocharim










Hi! 
Our most exclamatory felicitations to you
Tweet by: @noelledeg


Pare, pulis ako
Excuse me, good sir, but may I identify myself as an officer of the Philippine National Police
Tweet by: @margie_deleon


Ang sarap ng luto ng mommy mo! 
Please extend my warm felicitations to your mother for her joyous and memorable cooking
Tweet by: @anjpessumal


Walang forever
This is to invalidate the notion that 'to infinity and beyond' does exist in love
Tweet by: @alexiscaesar_


ASL? 
Legal info that can be used and can justify whether or not this flirtation can proceed to other dimension
Tweet by: @DwinGregOreo


Shookt 
I am extremely flabbergasted that I breached grammar to generate a word that ideally delineates my emotions
Tweet by: @eloysencinares


Ang baho mo 
There seems to be a very pungent odor excreting from your body making everyone around you feel uneasy
Tweet by: @bluegrey_


Suko na 'ko
The unethical penitence i obligate to comprehend has abstained me from pursuing life among all else
Tweet by: @craptured


*Credits to all owners of the tweets

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2 comments:

  1. pls cite the sources of the other tweets in this article. thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, we are trying our best...We are just having a hard time finding all again as some must have deleted their tweets already.

      Delete

 
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