Monday, September 22, 2014

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Drastic Reincarnation by Michael Bay


Wazzup Pilipinas!

Cowabunga, dudes!!! I have a piece of Krispy Kreme donut shaped like one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' head on one hand and a can of cola in the other! I'm all turtle-powered and ready to enter the Promenade cinema at Greenhills for the special blocked screening of the latest movie.

OMG!!! My TMNT are no longer what they used to be! No more charming looks because they seem to have all turned into extremely gross hunky muscular monsters in steroids. They may look "behemothly" large and physically imposing but later you'll find out they would sometimes act and talk like sissies. However, I have to keep in mind that "there have been many versions of TMNT before and there will be many after. This is just the 2014 model."

But wait! There's Megan Fox to begin with. Might as well hang on until the end of the movie. Transform and roll in to the cinema!

"The basics of the story essentially remain the same as in many incarnations. New York is under siege by criminals called the Foot Clan, under the command of a leader called the Shredder. Young, intrepid reporter April O’Neil (Megan Fox) stumbles upon the Foot being thwarted by mysterious vigilantes and soon discovers these vigilantes are teenagers… and mutants… and ninjas …and turtles!"



The Foot Clan are no longer ninjas (or robots, depending on which version you hold true!), but rather more of a paramilitary force. The same goes with Shredder who is like a cyborg with so many robotic implants designed to enhance him.

However, Splinter kicks ass in the movie. The lab rat was the only one convincing but too bad he lost in the fight as expected since it was still just near the middle of the story.

 
"While we see Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael show off their martial arts skills, a lot of the time it seems they defeat their enemies by simply being freaking strong as hell; punching them across rooms and even toppling vehicles at them."

Yup! The reboot (reshell?) of the ninjitsu-est quartet of reptiles makes us miss our childhood turtle-powered heroes. Gone are the real "ninja" skills which is actually emphasized right there at the title itself.


But who really cares? We should always be open to any new versions of the quartet since anybody can do anything in the movies just like what they do in the comics and cartoons.

We should welcome all possible modifications of our beloved childhood characters even to the point of horrendously making them gruesome or extremely cute and huggable.




My mom reminded me that when I was young, I used to look down the sewers hoping to see the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When I grew up, even though I realized they were just cartoons made to stir the imagination, I continued to adore these heroes-in-a-halfshell even up to the creations of the previous movies. Now, my childhood was partially ruined when they introduced this latest 2014 movie, but it was not really surprising as the generation changes as well. It would have been so boring if they were the same turtles we have known. It won't be as interesting.



We will definitely see more reincarnations of TMNT and other characters as well. It is inevitable as the movie-makers are trying not just to please the diehard hardcore fans but also the new generation who will be first introduced to these childhood icons.


For me, the characters portrayed by the human actors were not really very memorable. Will Arnett, William Fichtner, Whoopi Goldberg, and even Megan Fox characters where downright deplorable. I am not really sure if it was because of the acting or the bad script, or the far-fetched storyline. What I am sure is that they left no recall. They will easily be forgotten.

Might as well brought along a pizza slice, but thanks anyway to all the sponsors of the special blocked screening. I know it took some time before I decided to write a review but it's what to expect from a dissatisfied movie-goer.

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