Jobert Sucaldito Hospitalized After an Accident with a Cucumber

 

Wazzup Pilipinas!

This has got to be the most hilarious news I've read in my Facebook timeline this morning : Jobert Sucaldito, Hospitalized After an Accident with a Vegetable.

Last time I've heard an almost similar case which warranted the need to go to a hospital was the removal of a bottle from the ass of another guy of which one of the hospital staff in the operating room even took a video while laughing out loud in the process.

I really do not know the nitty-gritty details and how the news was leaked. News have mentioned that the showbiz reporter is now recuperating after an operation at the Capitol Medical Center in Quezon City removing the cucumber from his private part. The cucumber must have not been good enough to withstand the pressure that it broke or it ws pushed too hard that it got in so deep inside...Hahaha!!!

 

"Sucaldito, one of the hosts of ABS-CBN's "The Buzz," reportedly met with the accident Sunday night and was rushed to the hospital after complaining of "extreme pain" in his bottom.X-rays subsequently revealed that a broken piece of cucumber, about five inches in length, had gotten lodged into the lower end of his large intestine. It was not immediately clear how the cucumber got there."

Ha! I bet you know how it got there! Call me malicious!!! Who are we kidding?

"The surgeons who operated on Sucaldito were tight-lipped and refused to discuss his case with media, citing doctor-patient confidentiality. Oddly enough, they all looked like they were trying vainly to keep from laughing and refused to look reporters in the eye.

Members of Sucaldito's household who declined to be named said they recovered the other half of the cucumber, also five inches in length, in Sucaldito's bedroom.

They said it had "bite marks" and was in a "soggy" state.

Besides the cucumber, they said they also found "a bottle of Johnson's baby oil, pictures of scantily clad men, and lots of tissue paper."

Reached by phone, Sucaldito said he is fine and will be discharged from hospital soon. He explained that it was all an accident."

From Jobert Sucaldito's Twitter profile : "I am a great friend - a fighter kapag inaapi. I am God-fearing; yes, sobra - very loving, ultimate rampadora and kinky too."

Yup! Definitely kinky!

I really do not care what people do inside the privacy of their homes but what is alarming is that how comes news like this spread out and go viral. It seems there is no longer any privacy in hospitals that cases similar to these easily gets out into the news.

"Gumagawa kasi ako ng salad. Napaupo ako dun sa chair e meron palang pipino dun na patayo ang pusisyon. Basta, mabilis kasi ang mga pangyayari (I was making a salad. I sat on a chair but there was a cucumber there in an upright position. Everything just happened so fast)" he said.

In a related development, a group of vegan Filipinos is reportedly thinking of filing an abuse complaint against Sucaldito for allegedly molesting a harmless and defenseless vegetable."

Update: I was informed that this was only satire news and it went viral two years ago....hahahaha.. Unfortunately, I was not yet a blogger during those times so I was not aware that this is old made-up news. But I won't be bringing this article down because I still believe it is very funny..Hahaha!